Tunafish d00d

I'm trying to keep up. Over at Kafirgirl we're working our way though the book and we're just getting to chapter ten. It's named for Jonah, the bible guy who went vacationing in a big tunafish dinner. But he turns up later in the chapter: our illustration now is for verse ten, that tells the kittehs how to prey. No iz eezy.



10:10. Heer is hao tu maek yowlingz: u goes like dis: "all glory 2 u, o Rewf cat," an furst yu meows "peace", an at teh end ov ur yowlingz u meow: "all praize be 2 Rewf cat, teh Boss ov all teh worldz."



Chapdur 10. Tunafish d00d. 1-24

1. Meowla. Deez r teh versez ov teh alfa kitteh book.
2. Duz peeps arch demz baks an stik owt fur cuz a kitteh hoo iz wun ov dem wuz telled 2 warn dem an 2 bring a cookie 2 dem hoo follo Rewfcat? teh unbehavvers meow like dis:"her iz teh lolz, srsly! "
3. Rewfcat maded teh hebbinz an teh urfs in 6 dayz, den sitted on her trone, an wuz likkin her fur an watchin ebery ting; wen her Is Not Amuzed, nobuddy iz amuzed. Her iz Rewf cat, ur Rewfcat, so follo her. U iz telled. Srsly.
4. Everbuddy iz gonna huddel arownd Rewf; Her promizez, Her keeps dem. Her canz unmaek alla stuffs if her wants: u iz bad, yu gits skratch on noze; u iz gud, gits cheezburgr. So doan be wif misbeehaevin. k?
5. Her maded teh sun all beemy, an teh moon tu, onlee nawt so much, lol cuz kitnz no needz brait lait, dat iz onlee fer gardian hyoominz can haz seeingz, nawt go stumblin arownd steppin on tails, cuz dem iz week in demz aiz, srsly. An Rewfcat maded da sun an moon go arownd tellin gardian peeps wen is tiem fer tu giv tu kitzn a cheezeburger; Her tinked of ebery ting, an if yu has a smarts, yu noes dis.
6. Da sun beemz goin in an owt of da windoz, an alla dat suns an moonz an hebbinz stuffs? All dat iz fer tu halp 4 gardian peeps hoo surv Rewfcat.
7. as 4 dose hoo iz ignorin alla dem stuffs,
8. dem can haz durtee litter box plaes fer stayin in. Iz tu bad;
9. But dem hoo behaev an act domesticatted, Rewfcat will halpz dem, an dem gits boardin pass fer to bee caried tu Grayt Anaannminblul Sheldur in da Skai, eben if dem no can say it, Lol!
10. Heer is hao tu maek yowlingz: u goes like dis: "all glory 2 u, o Rewf cat," an furst yu meows "peace", an at teh end ov ur yowlingz u meow: "all praize be 2 Rewf cat, teh Boss ov all teh worldz."
11. If Rewf cat wuz 2 do bad stuffs tu u, u wood bee all yowly “DO NOT WANT!” But Her no duz nuffin, an u jist riedz invisible bicycle all ovah, losted.
12. When u haz a trubbel, u iz “mew, mew, mew,” wif big eyes an cyootness, furst lyin on ur side, or or standin on tu foots or foar foots; but when Rewfcat taeks away ur troublez, u goes all aloof lieks u doan eben sees nobuddy; an u starts eyeballin yarn ballz an lookin fer moar trubbelz.
13. Lotsa kittehs Rewfcat haded tu chaes away wen dem no behavded. Her telled dem an telled dem, but kittehs no lissned, an nevr behavvd. So Rewfcat chasded dem away.
14. Nao, u is in da house, leedin da kitnz; we sees hao u duz.
15. Wen dem heerz ar meowingz, demz miaos, "Book of cat caer, ur doin it rong.” Mew at dem: "mee no raits it, ai iz onlee in ur book, reedin ur scratchinz. Ai duz whut Rewfcat mewz at mee, or her chase me owt cat door. lolz".
16. "Rewf no wants, ai no duz. Yu knoes me eber since ai wuz a teeny kitn. Iz no bad kitteh"
17. Kitteh hoo meows bad stuffs abowt Rewfcat no can haz cheezbrgr.
18. Kittehs hoo follo udder kittehs hoo no iz so gud as Rewfcat, meow at dem: "U tink u knoes moar 'n Rewfcat? LOL. Her is so full uf win u no can haz eben a sniff of butt or a likk on fur. Srsly.
19. doodz wuz once apawn a tiem all in wum hows, but dem wented off an livded at nayborz hows. If not 4 da werd growled by Rewfcat before, demz still wood bee like dat.
20. Demz meow: "how iz dat no sign wuz sent by Rewfcat?" meow at dem: "Rewfcat, her knoes stuffs. so watch an wayt 4 da sign; Iz waitin an expectin wif u."
21. Wen we givz dem liks on face after dem haz trubbelz, dem gits in trubbels, goes in bafroom, shredz tishoos all ovah floor. Meow at dem: "Rewfcat DO NOT WANT! ," an “birdcats iz wif havin camcordrz, tapin ur eveelz. U no can haz cheezebrgr. Srsly.
22. Rewfcat lets u travel da land. Eben da oshun, but kittehs is like ZOMGWTF? Travel on da waters? DO NOT WANT! lol. But iz ok fer ppl, an dawgz; demz lieks it cuz dem no haz sense liek kitnz. But wen windz starts 2 blow an teh wavez iz puttin wadder on dem frum ebery whair dem is all “ Halp! Halp! Rewfcat, saev us!” an "if u saves us frum dis we givz u lotsa cheezbrgrz fer evr an evr,"
23. but after Her rescuez dem, dem iz meen ta kittehs agin. Iz no gud. Dem can haz trubbels agin, we jist sits an watch an likkin ar fur; we no caerz.
24 Lief iz liek skai-watrz, poopin on eberybuddy; an teh plants all ovah da urfs mingle wif it an d00dz an moocowz eets, an eben kittehs duz sum chooingz ondem; da urfs can haz glittrz an haz growed owt a nice purty fur coat, sum bad ting happnz ab roonz eberyting. Is sum ting fer tinkin deep thots abowt, eben fer kittehs.