Storee uv Noah

Chapter 10 also tells the story of Noah. It's a Cliff Notes version, only four lines long:

71-2 Tell how people didn't like Noah's preaching, and how he was all like “bring it on, muthahfuckahs,”
73 but they didn't listen, so I drowned them all.
74 Later I sent prophets, but I wouldn't let people believe them; that's how I roll, beeyitches.

You think that's not what it says? Here, read for yourself:

10:71 Recite unto them the story of Noah, when he told his people: O my people! If my sojourn (here) and my reminding you by Allah's revelations are an offence unto you, in Allah have I put my trust, so decide upon your course of action you and your partners. Let not your course of action be in doubt for you. Then have at me, give me no respite.
10:72 But if ye are averse I have asked of you no wage. My wage is the concern of Allah only, and I am commanded to be of those who surrender (unto Him).
10:73 But they denied him, so We saved him and those with him in the ship, and made them viceroys (in the earth), while We drowned those who denied Our revelations. See then the nature of the consequence for those who had been warned.
10:74 Then, after him, We sent messengers unto their folk, and they brought them clear proofs. But they were not ready to believe in that which they before denied. Thus print We on the hearts of the transgressors.

Fighting, attacking each other, killing people; DO NOT WANT. Any lolcat worth her whiskers could deliver the same message without going all negative, so you'd read it and say “that's cute” instead of “Ewwww!” It's Marketing 101, god.

71 Wuz a Kitteh naymded Noah, hoo meowed to hiz d00dz; “U no like mai yowlinz, u do what u wants. Ai no iz skeered.
72 Ai no wants nuffin. Rewfcat, her iz da boss uv me.”
73. The kittehs growlded at Noah an no givded cheezbrgrs, but Rewfcat savded him. An wuz gud ting 2, cuz rait afdur dat wuz ZOMG HYOOJ rainstorm. No kitteh can haz a drai fur; eben poke whiskrz owt cat door, gits wet fur, cuz wadder, we haz it, Srsly. But Noah an his litter, demz maded a boat, an had a comfy, an wuz in da boat, stayin drai. Lol. Kittehs dat no can haz a boat, demz wuz gitted all wet. Wuz a sad, Srsly.
74 Afdur dat happnd, Rewfcat sended moar kittehs to dem, wif DVD's fer downloadin, but demz no turned demz eerz to it; Dem iz drai nao, so dem no caer. Lulz!

See? Nobody dies, and at the end there is still hope for the kitnz. Lolcats FTW!